I was having a conversation the other day about working out,
going to the gym, etc. and was struck by the insecurities that hold people back
from reaching their fitness goals. As if
working out and getting in shape isn’t hard enough, we’re constantly attacking
ourselves mentally over what we THINK people think about us. In this group conversation and I was hearing
things like “I won’t walk down (name of busy street) because I don’t want
people to see my fat ass trying to get in shape and judging me.” and “I need to get in better shape before I
go to the gym” and “all those skinny bitches will watch me with their judgy eyes….’
“Look at that fat fatty being all fat’”
Why should we have to “get in shape” BEFORE we go to the gym? Isn’t that what the gym is for? Why would someone not feel comfortable
walking down a high traffic street without feeling self-conscious?
These were all comments from women, though I’m guessing men
have insecurities as well. I do know
that we are WAY too hard on ourselves and we should just do our own thing and
not have to worry about anyone, or anything else. There are way more important things to focus
on!
Judging people is not the first thing that goes through my mind at the gym. I am way more worried about what I’m going to
do next. I’m busy talking myself into
trying a new machine or exercise, concentrating on “mind over matter” and
willing myself to push harder, do more.
I’m focusing on trying not to fart, trying not to fall over, preventing
myself from dropping weights on my toe.
I’m working on my balance, form, breathing, reps, sets, etc etc
etc. I’m never alone in the gym, so I
won’t pretend that I don’t notice other people, but when I do come into contact
with another person or have a thought about someone it’s mostly along the lines
of “oops, let me get out of your way.” or “are you done with that?” or “sweet,
they’re wiping the machine down after they used it!” If judgment goes through my mind it’s usually
in the form of admiration, and I can say that honestly. OK, wait…. I do have one criticism of
strangers that crosses my mind sometimes...
“Are you really going to hog that machine while sitting there texting
your friends?”
I thought about all the times I felt insecure in the gym and
wondered what people would think of me.
Do I care? What do I think of fat
or fit people in the gym? What goes
through my mind? Is there a difference
in what I think about fit people vs. fat people? Unlike what I THINK people think about ME, there wasn’t a negative thought
that crossed my mind about what I think of other people. “Look at that fat
fatty being all fat” wasn’t a even a passing thought of mine.
When I see a “skinny” or “fit” person working out/kicking butt:
“Good for her/him!”
“I’m going to be like them some day.”
“They must work really hard to have a body like that.”
“I wish I had that motivation…”
“NICE MUSCLES!”
“Ew…. Running. I hate running. She/he makes it look so easy!”
“Hey, that’s a good exercise, I should try it!”
“Oooooh…. Look at her tush! Is it weird
if I ask her how she got such a nice bootay?
Yeah, that’d be weird… welp, squats here I come!!!”
“That looks hard, but if they can do it, I can get there too.”
If I have thoughts of
negativity it’s based purely on jealousy because I want to be like them
NOW. I just know
that they’re at a different point in their journey than I am. But sometimes I just want a fast-forward
button.
Now, what is my attitude when I see a “fat” or “out of
shape” person working out/kicking butt?
“Wow, good for him/her!”
“Oh, so THAT’S how you use that machine!”
“You go girl/man!”
“They’ve got a good routine going!”
“Ugh, I hate running….”
“I wish I had that motivation…”
“That looks hard, but if they can do it, I guess I can do it too.”
Those are my thoughts…. Wanna know what other people think? I posed two questions to several of my
friends whom I trusted would give me straight up, brutally honest answers.
The two
questions I asked are as follows:
1.) What goes
through your mind when you see a FAT person running on the street or working
out in the gym?
2.) What goes
through your mind when you see a FIT person running on the street or working
out in the gym?
Here are the thoughts that people shared with me. The Men and women all had pretty much the same
responses, so I’m not going to separate them, but I’ll list them all
individually so you can see how many duplicate thoughts there were….
1.) Fat: “good for you, mad props.”
Fit: “anger, completely out of jealousy for their abilities and dedication."
2.) I
say..."good for them!" in either case. Running sucks in either
case. It takes great effort fit or fat to run in my opinion.
3.) “Fat” response: "Get
after it, girl." I'm usually more self-conscious about myself at the
gym than to worry about anyone else. I've been really playing the comparison
game lately. "If he/she can do it, why can't I?" Bleh. Such a
bad habit.
“Fit” response: Jealousy. Pure jealousy.
"I should really hire a trainer."
4.) “Fat”
response: I hope they can stick with it.
“Fit” response: I wish I had their
initiative.
Both stem from me wishing I was more active. I think I assume a heavy runner is
in it to lose weight, while a thin runner does it more leisurely.
5.) “All I see is a person….”
6.) “Fat” response: Good for her. Wow, that's impressive!
“Fit” response: I sorta think the same thing however, it's probably more,
ugh, wish I was that dedicated.
This person goes on to say: “My answers
are mostly about myself not them because I struggle with cardio and running is
really challenging for me so I'm envious of those who do and stick with it. I
wish I craved a good run but I simply don't. A body pump class I consistently
take is not full of skinny minnies but real bodies who value strength and
upping their weights instead of obsessing how thin they are. That's the mindset
that I choose to have.” ßI love
that mindset!
7.) “Fat” response: Good for them.
“Fit” response: Good for them.
Either way it’s just good they choose to be there.
8.) “Fat” response: Good for them! I wish I had their motivation and
determination.
“Fit” response: It’s so easy for them. It’s like they don’t have to try. Then I
get embarrassed cuz I’m fat and think they are judging me.
9.) Well I am the fat person running. :)
but when I see a fat person or a fit person running I usually just say hi.
Fellow runners are usually friendly. I don't care if they're judging me at
least I'm doing it!
10.) “Fat” response: That they have determination, will, they’re someone
willing to change, because making it to the gym is the hardest part.
“Fit” response: “Obsessive.” “Vain to a
degree”
"I would say it’s more of a vanity issue for fit people and a healthy choice
for a fat person."
So there you have it…. All of these thoughts made me feel better. None of these thoughts made me feel like I didn’t want to go into the gym for fear that someone may actually think the above thoughts about me. If someone did think the above thoughts about me, I can handle that! Honestly, I won't even know. Mostly people think,
good for you! We’re all in this
together. Fat or thin,
fit or out of shape, we’re all making the same choice to show up. Now, is it terrible that someone may look at
you and think “if they can do it, I can do it.”? I don’t think so. I’m a normal person, if another normal person
thinks they can do what I can do and are motivated to try… AWESOME. Get after it!
At least I’m not alone in my misery now. Also, is it terrible that someone may be
jealous of your fitness level? Hey, you worked hard for that! Let someone strive to be just like you some
day! I’m sure you felt the same way
about someone when you first began your journey and maybe it even pushed you
harder to reach your goals!
Whichever “category” you see yourself fitting in to, “fit” or “fat”… when
you’re being all like “oh my gosh, everyone’s watching me and looking at me with
those judgy judgment eyes being all judgy.
I want to get out of here.”
Remember these thoughts I shared from men and women alike. Is that as bad as it gets? If
someone thinks “Wow, good for you!” about you working hard at the gym, is that
terrible? What are you afraid they’re
thinking of you? Ask yourself what YOU
think of others in the gym, do you think your thoughts should affect someone
else’s success? NO! So why should other people's thoughts affect you? In the gym, how much are you
thinking about other people and how much are you thinking about yourself? See that
muscley dude grunting over there in the squat rack with headphones in his
ears? I bet he’s concentrating on his
form while trying his darndest not to break out into song and dance to Taylor
swift’s “Shake it off.” It’s a catchy
little tune… it’s hard to refrain from such activity. In fact, he’s probably really self –conscious
about possibly having his love for Taylor Swift discovered by his fellow gym
cronies.
Another thing, I asked my friend
if I could share what she wrote as one of her more recent facebook
statuses. I really admire her
vulnerability and honesty, I’m sure most of us feel this way but are too afraid
to voice it. Many of us let these
thoughts stop us from going to the gym at all.
Here it is, ready?
“I
walked into the gym tonight. Saying I
“worked out” is probably giving me more credit than I deserve. I was nervous and intimidated going in. I was clumsy and sweating and struggling
every minute I was there. It was an
embarrassing and humbling experience.
Mostly, I am so very upset with myself for letting myself get to a point
where I could write the last 5 sentences.
There’s a lot of damage to undo and I feel every year of my age and
every pound of my weight right now and it doesn’t feel good. But, I’m determined to go back and feel this
way again tomorrow and the next day and so on until maybe it doesn’t feel so
impossible.”
WOW. Isn’t that powerful? I bet most of us have felt that way. Sometimes we’re so busy criticizing ourselves and
putting ourselves down and that makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE to be
successful. Getting in shape is SO
HARD! Showing up at the gym is SO
HARD. Trying not to psych yourself out
of working hard is SO HARD. Staying
positive is SO HARD. Lifting that
dumbbell umpteen times is SO HARD! Doing
cardio is SO HARD.
Come on, can’t showing up be enough? It’s hard enough doing
the work, don’t make your fight harder by thinking negative, self-doubting,
destructive thoughts. Don’t wipe that sweat off your forehead, let it fricken
sparkle. You earned that sweat, don’t
brush it away. Well, I mean if it’s
getting in your eyes and burning, then by all means…. But you know what I mean. OWN IT.
Be proud of the work you’re doing.
If you stick with it and follow your goals, you can know
that these people will get to watch you transform. If I feel fat in the gym today I tell myself,
“Tomorrow I’m only going to look better!” Everyday you’ll go in with an
improved version of yourself from yesterday, and you’ll leave better than you
came in. Show up. Do the work.
Forget your insecurities because you are there to transform
yourself. Your “weaknesses” will soon be
your strengths. Don’t fool yourself, it
doesn’t get easier…. YOU get STRONGER.
Take credit for that. If you can
only do 1 pushup today, own that one pushup.
Be proud of the ONE pushup you did, and forget about the ones you couldn’t
do today. Practice that one pushup until
it turns into 2 pushups. You will get to
look back and remember the struggle and feel pride in the fact that you can now
do 10, 20, 30 pushups in a row without stopping. It’s because you persevered,
you worked hard, you probably even felt like giving up, but you DIDN’T, and
that is victory my friend.
When you get to be the gym God/Goddess that I know you will
be, offer smiles and words of encouragement to the people who look lost and
embarrassed. Maybe they’re staring at a
bicep machine wondering “where exactly do my feet go?” Well, step in and offer
some help and an encouraging word. Tell
them where you started and encourage them to keep going then proceed to workout
in sweaty, glorious harmony together.
They’ll be SO THANKFUL to have a friendly, familiar face to see when
they come in the gym next time. Wouldn’t
that be lovely?
The team
atmosphere is absolutely amazing. The
other bootcampers are so encouraging. (<--Look at them go!) We
laugh, give each other sweaty hugs and high fives, cheer each other on, motivate each other, challenge each other to complete another rep, and it’s just great to know
that you’re not alone. It doesn’t just
suck for you, it’s hard for other people too, and together we keep pushing and sweating. We even cry! Everyone has a different story, we all have
different struggles and weaknesses, and we are all there for each other when
there’s a challenge or obstacle to overcome.
