What other people think of you is none of your damn business.

I was having a conversation the other day about working out, going to the gym, etc. and was struck by the insecurities that hold people back from reaching their fitness goals.  As if working out and getting in shape isn’t hard enough, we’re constantly attacking ourselves mentally over what we THINK people think about us.  In this group conversation and I was hearing things like “I won’t walk down (name of busy street) because I don’t want people to see my fat ass trying to get in shape and judging me.”  and “I need to get in better shape before I go to the gym” and “all those skinny bitches will watch me with their judgy eyes….’ “Look at that fat fatty being all fat’”  Why should we have to “get in shape” BEFORE we go to the gym?  Isn’t that what the gym is for?  Why would someone not feel comfortable walking down a high traffic street without feeling self-conscious?

These were all comments from women, though I’m guessing men have insecurities as well.  I do know that we are WAY too hard on ourselves and we should just do our own thing and not have to worry about anyone, or anything else.  There are way more important things to focus on!

Judging people is not the first thing that goes through my mind at the gym.  I am way more worried about what I’m going to do next.  I’m busy talking myself into trying a new machine or exercise, concentrating on “mind over matter” and willing myself to push harder, do more.  I’m focusing on trying not to fart, trying not to fall over, preventing myself from dropping weights on my toe.  I’m working on my balance, form, breathing, reps, sets, etc etc etc.  I’m never alone in the gym, so I won’t pretend that I don’t notice other people, but when I do come into contact with another person or have a thought about someone it’s mostly along the lines of “oops, let me get out of your way.” or “are you done with that?” or “sweet, they’re wiping the machine down after they used it!”  If judgment goes through my mind it’s usually in the form of admiration, and I can say that honestly.  OK, wait…. I do have one criticism of strangers that crosses my mind sometimes...  “Are you really going to hog that machine while sitting there texting your friends?” 

I thought about all the times I felt insecure in the gym and wondered what people would think of me.  Do I care?  What do I think of fat or fit people in the gym?  What goes through my mind?  Is there a difference in what I think about fit people vs. fat people?  Unlike what I THINK people think about ME, there wasn’t a negative thought that crossed my mind about what I think of other people.  “Look at that fat fatty being all fat” wasn’t a even a passing thought of mine. 

When I see a “skinny” or “fit” person working out/kicking butt:
“Good for her/him!”
“I’m going to be like them some day.” 
“They must work really hard to have a body like that.”
“I wish I had that motivation…”
“NICE MUSCLES!”
“Ew…. Running.  I hate running.  She/he makes it look so easy!”
“Hey, that’s a good exercise, I should try it!”
“Oooooh…. Look at her tush!  Is it weird if I ask her how she got such a nice bootay?  Yeah, that’d be weird… welp, squats here I come!!!”
“That looks hard, but if they can do it, I can get there too.”

 If I have thoughts of negativity it’s based purely on jealousy because I want to be like them NOW.  I just know that they’re at a different point in their journey than I am.  But sometimes I just want a fast-forward button.

Now, what is my attitude when I see a “fat” or “out of shape” person working out/kicking butt?
“Wow, good for him/her!” 
“Oh, so THAT’S how you use that machine!”
“You go girl/man!”
“They’ve got a good routine going!”
“Ugh, I hate running….”
“I wish I had that motivation…”
“That looks hard, but if they can do it, I guess I can do it too.”

Those are my thoughts…. Wanna know what other people think?   I posed two questions to several of my friends whom I trusted would give me straight up, brutally honest answers.
The two questions I asked are as follows:

1.) What goes through your mind when you see a FAT person running on the street or working out in the gym?

2.) What goes through your mind when you see a FIT person running on the street or working out in the gym?

Here are the thoughts that people shared with me.  The Men and women all had pretty much the same responses, so I’m not going to separate them, but I’ll list them all individually so you can see how many duplicate thoughts there were….

1.) Fat: “good for you, mad props.”
Fit: “anger, completely out of jealousy for their abilities and dedication."

2.)  I say..."good for them!" in either case. Running sucks in either case. It takes great effort fit or fat to run in my opinion. 

3.) “Fat” response:  "Get after it, girl."  I'm usually more self-conscious about myself at the gym than to worry about anyone else. I've been really playing the comparison game lately. "If he/she can do it, why can't I?"  Bleh. Such a bad habit.
“Fit” response:  Jealousy. Pure jealousy. "I should really hire a trainer." 

4.)  “Fat” response:  I hope they can stick with it.
“Fit” response:  I wish I had their initiative.
Both stem from me wishing I was more active. I think I assume a heavy runner is in it to lose weight, while a thin runner does it more leisurely.
5.)  “All I see is a person….”

6.) “Fat” response:  Good for her. Wow, that's impressive!
“Fit” response: I sorta think the same thing however, it's probably more, ugh, wish I was that dedicated.
This person goes on to say:  “My answers are mostly about myself not them because I struggle with cardio and running is really challenging for me so I'm envious of those who do and stick with it. I wish I craved a good run but I simply don't. A body pump class I consistently take is not full of skinny minnies but real bodies who value strength and upping their weights instead of obsessing how thin they are. That's the mindset that I choose to have.”  ßI love that mindset!
7.) “Fat” response:  Good for them.
“Fit” response:  Good for them.
Either way it’s just good they choose to be there.
8.)  “Fat” response:  Good for them!  I wish I had their motivation and determination.
“Fit” response: It’s so easy for them. It’s like they don’t have to try. Then I get embarrassed cuz I’m fat and think they are judging me.
9.)  Well I am the fat person running. :) but when I see a fat person or a fit person running I usually just say hi. Fellow runners are usually friendly. I don't care if they're judging me at least I'm doing it!
10.)  “Fat” response:  That they have determination, will, they’re someone willing to change, because making it to the gym is the hardest part.
“Fit” response:  “Obsessive.” “Vain to a degree”
"I would say it’s more of a vanity issue for fit people and a healthy choice for a fat person."

So there you have it…. All of these thoughts made me feel better.  None of these thoughts made me feel like I didn’t want to go into the gym for fear that someone may actually think the above thoughts about me.  If someone did think the above thoughts about me, I can handle that!  Honestly, I won't even know.  Mostly people think, good for you!  We’re all in this together.  Fat or thin, fit or out of shape, we’re all making the same choice to show up.  Now, is it terrible that someone may look at you and think “if they can do it, I can do it.”?  I don’t think so.  I’m a normal person, if another normal person thinks they can do what I can do and are motivated to try… AWESOME.  Get after it!  At least I’m not alone in my misery now.  Also, is it terrible that someone may be jealous of your fitness level? Hey, you worked hard for that!  Let someone strive to be just like you some day!  I’m sure you felt the same way about someone when you first began your journey and maybe it even pushed you harder to reach your goals!
Whichever “category” you see yourself fitting in to, “fit” or “fat”… when you’re being all like “oh my gosh, everyone’s watching me and looking at me with those judgy judgment eyes being all judgy.  I want to get out of here.”  Remember these thoughts I shared from men and women alike.  Is that as bad as it gets?  If someone thinks “Wow, good for you!” about you working hard at the gym, is that terrible?  What are you afraid they’re thinking of you?  Ask yourself what YOU think of others in the gym, do you think your thoughts should affect someone else’s success?  NO!  So why should other people's thoughts affect you?  In the gym, how much are you thinking about other people and how much are you thinking about yourself?  See that muscley dude grunting over there in the squat rack with headphones in his ears?  I bet he’s concentrating on his form while trying his darndest not to break out into song and dance to Taylor swift’s “Shake it off.”  It’s a catchy little tune… it’s hard to refrain from such activity.  In fact, he’s probably really self –conscious about possibly having his love for Taylor Swift discovered by his fellow gym cronies. 
Another thing, I asked my friend if I could share what she wrote as one of her more recent facebook statuses.  I really admire her vulnerability and honesty, I’m sure most of us feel this way but are too afraid to voice it.  Many of us let these thoughts stop us from going to the gym at all.  Here it is, ready?

“I walked into the gym tonight.  Saying I “worked out” is probably giving me more credit than I deserve.  I was nervous and intimidated going in.  I was clumsy and sweating and struggling every minute I was there.  It was an embarrassing and humbling experience.  Mostly, I am so very upset with myself for letting myself get to a point where I could write the last 5 sentences.  There’s a lot of damage to undo and I feel every year of my age and every pound of my weight right now and it doesn’t feel good.  But, I’m determined to go back and feel this way again tomorrow and the next day and so on until maybe it doesn’t feel so impossible.”

WOW.  Isn’t that powerful?  I bet most of us have felt that way.  Sometimes we’re so busy criticizing ourselves and putting ourselves down and that makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE to be successful.  Getting in shape is SO HARD!  Showing up at the gym is SO HARD.  Trying not to psych yourself out of working hard is SO HARD.  Staying positive is SO HARD.  Lifting that dumbbell umpteen times is SO HARD!  Doing cardio is SO HARD. 

Come on, can’t showing up be enough? It’s hard enough doing the work, don’t make your fight harder by thinking negative, self-doubting, destructive thoughts. Don’t wipe that sweat off your forehead, let it fricken sparkle.  You earned that sweat, don’t brush it away.  Well, I mean if it’s getting in your eyes and burning, then by all means….  But you know what I mean.  OWN IT.  Be proud of the work you’re doing.

If you stick with it and follow your goals, you can know that these people will get to watch you transform.  If I feel fat in the gym today I tell myself, “Tomorrow I’m only going to look better!” Everyday you’ll go in with an improved version of yourself from yesterday, and you’ll leave better than you came in.  Show up.  Do the work.  Forget your insecurities because you are there to transform yourself.  Your “weaknesses” will soon be your strengths.  Don’t fool yourself, it doesn’t get easier…. YOU get STRONGER.  Take credit for that.  If you can only do 1 pushup today, own that one pushup.  Be proud of the ONE pushup you did, and forget about the ones you couldn’t do today.  Practice that one pushup until it turns into 2 pushups.  You will get to look back and remember the struggle and feel pride in the fact that you can now do 10, 20, 30 pushups in a row without stopping. It’s because you persevered, you worked hard, you probably even felt like giving up, but you DIDN’T, and that is victory my friend.    

When you get to be the gym God/Goddess that I know you will be, offer smiles and words of encouragement to the people who look lost and embarrassed.  Maybe they’re staring at a bicep machine wondering “where exactly do my feet go?” Well, step in and offer some help and an encouraging word.  Tell them where you started and encourage them to keep going then proceed to workout in sweaty, glorious harmony together.  They’ll be SO THANKFUL to have a friendly, familiar face to see when they come in the gym next time.  Wouldn’t that be lovely?